Cries of a teenager. Unloved Monday, January 28, 2008
I didnt go to school today again..
Yesterday my final breakdown finally occured..
What kind of reply was that? I felt like trash.. I had always tried to convince myself.. But this time I just can't..
Yet my family had to come and strike off another quarrel..
I left.. With nothing in my hands.. Not even my phone and wallet..
Sitting at the staircase.. I thought what was the point of life.. Being treated like I was nobody..
I couldn't stop myself.. Tears just fell and fell..
I scratched the walls with questions.. Normally I hate vandalising.. Now why should I care?
Then I heard the sound of my main door being locked.
Where was I to go?
I never did plan to stay out that day.
The wind blew mercilessly at me.. I needed a hug.. I needed some warmth.. It may have been a simple action.. Or some simple words.. None gave it to me.. Not my family.. Not you..
I tried to be there for you when u were down.. Instead i get shunned away, deemed as "annoying"..
Now when I desperately needed you, you weren't here for me..
What can I say?
I've tried. But you wouldn't put in effort. Not even to just answer a yes or no to questions that dug at me every single day.
My mind started to flood with stupid thoughts.. I looked out from the building.. The sky was dark.. Then I looked down.. The ground level was 8 storeys away.. I was afraid..
The wind screeched against the windows.. Ghastly images seem to form in my mind..
I was alone.. I thought if I ever left this world, how many would miss me.. How many would cry for me.. And most importantly, will they regret never showing me the love that I wanted?
I hugged myself, hoping that might make me feel better.. Perhaps it did.. Perhaps not.. I couldn't think straight..
I curled up next to the gate of my house.. Instantly I felt more secure.. My eyelids felt heavy.. The memories of that night swirled into my dreams..
A newly moved in neighbour- who was a total stranger- showed me the kindness I had ever wanted..
She encouraged me.. Gave me food.. Let me in to her house..
I fell asleep in her living room..
The next morning, I had home-cooked breakfast for the first time in my life.
I went back home when my aunt opened the gates to leave for work..
Perhaps.. That was all I needed..
These little actions that make me feel secured and loved..
It didn't come from anyone I expected them to.. Instead a stranger did..
Cries of teenagers..
Sunday, January 27, 2008
hello peeps. yes I'm here to update- again.
Surprising, I know. Just came back not long from "lijiachuzou-ing". I know this seems childish, but I was so overwhelmed with anger and they didn't allow a space for me to breathe- thus I HAD to get out. Not to mention at 11plus pm near midnight.
GEEZ, thank goodness I didn't see anyone I know -.- I was like TT___________________________TT like crazy and all the passerbys thought I was insane or something. T.T...
If they're gonna start nagging again I'm gonna leave. Like, pack my stuffs and go. Not like yesterday when all I grabbed was my wallet and phone dumped into my bag and left. I won't know where but I just wanna get out. And here she is, my mum, starting at me again. -.-
Never mind thou shalt ignore her. For the sake of my o's and my mood. =]
I think I forgot to mention not to ask me about this again? Thank you for your cooperation xD
Facing extreme BOREDOM + STRESS recently.. PMS liao zz -.- Please keep away from me to prevent getting flamed for no reason xD
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS I MISS HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
I still haven't decided on what to say... I know what I want, but it takes two hands to clap. To him, I should not question his actions and instead feel with my heart. To me, I just wanna hear him say it- before i can trust. That clashes, unfortunately.
Anyway, "T____________T" to him working ^%$^$%&%#$^%
Sad can't see much of him =[ He just told me that theres 4 girls staring at him today. EEEEEEEEKS! Purposely trying to make me jealous wor -.- Tweeeks I've fallen into the trap~ I SHALL QUIT SCHOOL AND APPLY FOR THE SAME JOB AS HIM TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. [In this case, I think BOTH eyes are needed though.]
Nah I'm joking-.- like, erm duh. If you believed that you're a fool =] If you're a fool you'll tag on my tagboard saying you're not a fool =] Works the other way round as well, TADAH! [Means: If you tag you're a fool, you're still a fool xD] That makes everyone a fool. =]
[lame]
LOLS. DIGRESSION IS BAD.
So I was complaining about how I should watch him in case he flirts or anything HMPH!
But nah, I'm not going to do that. I suppose [SUPPOSE!] I trust him enough ba [ I HOPE =x]
Aye he ain't online yet =[
I think you all had enough of my love-sickness, better stop now before you all vomit on my beatiful blogskin =[
TATA! Don't miss me xD
Esp YOUUUU, BUNNY x3
Monday, January 21, 2008
SHEESH! I'm feeling this skip in my heartbeat everytime my house phone rings.
NONO, not because I'm waiting for a call from someone special or what.
Or maybe you could actually say that..?
If you call lee lao shi special, that is (:
RAWRRR T.T. Yesyes I did something wrong. I was supposed to stay back after school outside the staffroom to finish my zuowen. (i owed for ages) Surprise surprise. I ran off =x
Whoops? Thought I'm changing to a new leaf? Why am I still skipping school and not doing homework =x.
(erm, bunny, you're not supposed to tell him T.T if not I'll get killed for being naughty x.x)
What's with my paragraphing -.-
Anyway i feel so x/3 =( HE'S GOING TO START WORK LIAOOOOOOO. TT____TT Bunny said that she heard pays there are kinda high... whoo cashy laogong $_$ BUT I'd rather have ''timey'' laogong.. TT_______TT
aww :(
What's gonna happen to our month and valentines~~~~ T.T
Depressed x/3
Nvm "always look on the bright side of life" ~~~~~~~~
(O.O long long maomaochong.)
yes im retarded -.-
YEAH, even with 5tests in a week and remedials on nearly everyday.
Looking forward to go gaigai with mummy n jie n kayleng on saturday for CNY clothes xD
Planned out stuffs I wanted to get already xD erm, I was daydreaming during lessons thinking, yep =x
MONEY PLEASE FALL FROM THE SKY~
BYEBYE~
PS: My hp has no credit so don't even try calling =]
Thursday, January 17, 2008
ARGHHH!!! I got caught by teacher again for hair and attire...
How many times was it already =.= Like, 10th time? Nice way to start a year..
Tomorrow I have to turn up stupidly with my fringe clipped up and my uniform tucked in all the way.
Hope no one's gonna see me [yeah, like that will happen-.-]
AND I HATE MY SCHOOL.
SERIOUSLY.
No, not just the students.
Apparently the teachers as well.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO ALLOW PERFORMING ARTS TO HAVE CAMPS!!! Like, WTH?! Whats wrong with this school man. Really I don't get what's going on with baboon's mind.
OH, DID I MENTION THAT WE HAVE TO BUY A TEN BUCKS AHS CALENDAR?
COMPULSORY.
So that they can raise funds to build another indoor stadium which isn't necessary at all. And I'm not even able to use it, since I will be leaving the school next year.
SCREW =.= I'm just so tempted to transfer out, probably into that new arts music secondary school. And be sec1 again? Yeah nice choices.
Tata =.=
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I'd rather get called humji, useless etc.
Then to lose you.
Or involve any of my friends.
I suppose the title already clearly depicts my emotions now?
Though trying my best to start afresh, I wasn't given the chance.
Avoid or face it - both have their consequences. Even if I do face it, things wouldn't be solved so easily. (You think? -.-)
To think that at this point of time, doubts arose from people around me when instead I needed their moral support the most.
I've weighed the consequences and chosen what's best for not only me, but for the people around me who might get involved.
If you all just think I'm being "humji", then go ahead, I don't care.
Afterall, that would simply mean that I had thought of the consequences of my choices and I wasn't rash and stupid to make it into a lose-lose situation.
Yeah say what you want.
Don't force me into "bankcruptcy", I'm gonna break down anytime soon.
PS: Don't you know what's called pretense?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Dilemma... T.T
To stay:
-Friends
-Guild
-And of course...........
Not to stay:
-Those childish unreasonable people
everything must go their way just because they have backups or what.
"wuji come down bunk la"
so sick and tired of that sentence, its just so irritating.
audi problems cannot settle in audi? instead we have to bring it out to real life to settle, in the forms of gang fights/1on1 ?
doesnt that sound just so stupid.. making something so small into such a big prob.
-Bad memories
Lets just say.. It turned my entire life upside down.. Made me change so much. Not in a good way either.
-O' levels
Dont wanna get addicted again..
In the end, not to stay reasons seem more valid..
If SOMEONE had asked me to stay, I would have, but too bad that person didn't I guess.
There goes my wedding I had been looking forward to... T______________________T hai.
So I spent all of my left over acash to mega randomly... Announced my user n pass in the lobby.. Now then did it occur to me that I shouldn't have cause what if people use my account to create trouble? -.-
Damn, I'm turning into one of those rash and stupid people who do things without thinking of the consequences . Thank goodness I'm quitting.
Or am I not? =.=
Although I had already announced my quitting of audition yesterday, but in my heart I still can't let go. T.T That is why you see this post, of me weighing the consequences and trying to convince myself..
Sounds stupid yeah, I know.
There's also been another thing that has been pulling at me...
...Never mind.
Byebye, and I'm still trying my best to WORK HARD! and quit vulgars! (still havent done it -.-)
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Hello~~ Surprised?
duhh lols. It has been ages since I've last updated..
FIRSTLY LET ME WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
That marks the end of year 2007...
2007 was a year wasted, idling around, mixing with the wrong groups of people. I've changed much, my morals are slowly dying off. What was the only thing good about last year was the friends that I had made.
This start of a new year brings me to my resolution! (I know it seems impossible that I'm even writing one. Oh well its a new year, anything could happen xD)
1) Turn over a new leaf!
Be a guai kiaaaaaaa. Scold less vulgars! Don't get called a chao ahlian =x
2) Study hard =x
O lvls are coming, I'm not gonna let my results slip down anymore. AIMING FOR VJC OR TJ@@
3) Be faithful and truthful to last long long. kekeke
LOLS shh shh! Not gonna elaborate on this =P
4) Stop being an outcast in class
If not its gonna be another year of boredom =.=
5) Spend more time with family and friends=x
Recently we're getting further and further apart, I think its time for a talk or meet up.. xD
6) STICK TO MY MORALS AND PRINCIPALS.
Keep global warming and thinking for others before myself in mind!!!
Strangle litterbugs.
Respect (only to those who are worthy of my respect, unlike baboon hurhur=x)
7) Stop being so sensitive.
This will not only hurt myself but others as well =.=
8) Stop thinking so much unnecessarily
It's killing my brain cells, it's spoiling my mood.. Thinking too much never solves any problems, instead just makes things more complicated. KICK THAT BAD HABIT.
Although I've tried and tried and I know its near impossible for me to stop thinking.. T__T
9) READ MORE OF BIBLE
10) PRAY MORE OFTENLY.
This list is not ranked according to priority...
None of my resolution seems easy to do =.=
Gosh... I'll try ba.
MISS PLEASE STOP SLACKING AND GET UR LAZY BUM OFF YOUR CHAIR AND START DOING UR HOMEWORK!!!!
Perhaps changing to a new url and blogskin!
SAYONARA~ ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!
